Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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