This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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