I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
