The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
