they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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