those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
