I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
