I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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