At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
