He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
