just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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