That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
