um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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