That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
