david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
