im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
