I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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