just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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