why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
