All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
