Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
