the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
