I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
