i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
