party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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