Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I understand Curling. That high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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