RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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