i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
