the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
