just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
