I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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