dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
