Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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