Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
