after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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