i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
