Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
