I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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