So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
