The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
