Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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