It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
