I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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