he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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