508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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