We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
