Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
