i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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