Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
