He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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