Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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