I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
