I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just found out that she named her cat after me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
