3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
