so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
