Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
