so let's talk penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Less talking, more tequila
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
