Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
